We have been in the weeds with our children lately. The despair of not being in school especially for kids that enjoy school is excruciating. I have had more worry about the mental well being of our kids than ever before. Last week was a particularly difficult one that left me on high alert. I questioned everything. My parenting, our techniques, if it would be enough to keep our kids afloat. I could not help but think the worst and I did the things that we all do. Replay the scenarios that had gotten us to this place. Imagined if we had done something different how things would be playing out. If we had caught “that” earlier, maybe… In other words, I tortured myself. My heart is broken for them and I know from my adult perspective that things will improve, but for them they are in an eternal abyss of uncertainty. I want nothing more than to see them happily enjoying their lives. And right now, it is not easy to find joy.
My energetic system can be a blessing and a curse. I am highly sensitive to other people’s energy which serves me well when I am working, but can feel overwhelming when my family is in turmoil. I feel like a seasick cat hanging on until we make it to smoother waters. I grasp and release, hold tighter and give space looking for the right combo to bring us back into balance. It is exhausting and I want it to stop, but it is a deeply engrained coping mechanism that is just surfacing for me to place my eyes on. In moments of turmoil, my trauma responses are highlighted. I know when I’m spiraling, it is time to do the practices that will stop the spin. So, back to morning meditations, workouts and writing. The holy trinity of my sanity. As soon as I closed my eyes in this morning’s meditation, I hear. “Let today be a new day”. my shoulders released, the tears flowed and my mind softened to let go of trying to work through the “problems” we are facing. As serious as they are, and they are serious, we cannot be receptive to the next steps if were are carrying the stresses of yesterday. We have to approach each day as a new beginning. That does not mean that we will not have those worries, it just means that we are open to the possibility of something new coming into play. And also, the weight of yesterday does not have to drag this day down before it begins. So that is where I begin. Let today have its own identity. Come with an open mind and more importantly an open heart. I cast my prayers upon the day and begin.