I think at the root my fear of success is the feeling that I will be better than someone else. I am not exactly sure where I internalized the idea that one human’s greatness could possibly diminish another, but it is planted somewhere deep in my system. This insidious idea created so much limiting that there was absolutely no way that my fullest potential could ever be reached without befriending it. I saw this in my career, where I floated somewhere in the middle, self sabotaging when I felt myself drifting too far outside of my comfort zone.
I am working more and more these days and have caught myself saying that “I don’t want to get too busy”. I stop in those moment to remember to call in what I desire instead of limiting my capacity to grow. What I have found more and more is that I have grown through all of the bumps and bruises of my early life, but I am scared to turn away from the trauma and really allow myself to enjoy the fruits of my labor. It’s like the baby is ready to come into the world and I have crossed my legs and willed it to stay in…even though the most beautiful thing about labor is holding the precious being that you meet on the other side.
As more and more goodness comes my way, I am trying to meet those moment with grace and curiosity. How good can I actually let it be? We as women are taught to contain our bigness, our pleasure, or uninhibited joy for the sake of our safety or for the comfort of others, but I want that narrative to change for all of us. What if we could all collectively be fully expressed individuals living our truth celebrating each other? Can you imaging the epic lift our society would feel? And it starts with each one of us, individually, liberating ourself from the old ideas that keep us from celebrating our own successes out loud.
I am committing myself to that, even if it ruffles some feathers. I want to walk away from this life feeling like I left it all on the table, that I took chances and made a difference. And I did it with an extra side of joy…and giggles, of course.
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