I was deep in a meditation yesterday when I encountered so many aspects of myself that I was able to integrate. I have been in contact with these parts many times, but never have I been able to bring them into my heart so deeply with full acceptance. These versions of me at different ages and stages in my life that felt off-center came into alignment. It was a truly beautiful experience.
At one point, I came to a version of myself that I wasn’t proud of. She was my inner mean girl. The one that went along with bullying and was easily led in the wrong direction. My first impulse was to reject her. I felt shame creep into an otherwise great moment. Then something perspective-changing happened. If I was able to forgive and accept the part of me that was fallible, human, less desirable, I could learn to appreciate the gifts that those pieces gave to me. I could recognize that her decisions came from a broken place and a need for acceptance.
If I turned away from this aspect of myself, I gave power to my inner critic, who is fueled by my inability to be with my humanity. I could further entrain the perfectionist pattern of berating and beating myself up for my shortcomings. Or, I could forgive her and love her for making the choices that she made based on where she was in that moment.
By choosing forgiveness, I have freed myself from a loop that has absolutely no value in my current life. I have so much appreciation for her coming forward. There is so much ripe fruit just beneath the surface of our minds. When we can delight in our evolution, what we encounter becomes the nectar of our lives.